Easter Reflections

Today is the day after Easter. We had a lovely time. Services were very good. Family time was great. We had lots of lovely food.I have a lovely cup of Earl Grey tea poured. Every sip brings me to a better state of consciousness.I may even be fully awake soon.

I look outside. The sun is out. It is going to be a beautiful day. I think of my friend Mike who lost his wife to cancer on Good Friday evening. I wonder does he even see the sun? His life has changed forever. Cancer is such an awful beast. How can it continue to devour victims?

I will miss Jean. She and I walked the path of cancer together for the past three years. She was not new on the path but had a re-occurrence a few weeks before my diagnosis. As part of my prayer ministry I gave her a call and we prayed over the phone. What a shock it was to both of us to discover that I would be fighting right alongside her with my own battle.

We both ended up at the same cancer treatment center in Illinois. We were later to learn that we even shared a birthday. Both of us weren't given a very good prognosis at the start. I was given a reprieve through a change in diagnosis in which it was discovered that my tumors are slow growing. Jean's aggressive sarcoma continued to be a challenge for her. She endured some tough treatments and had many unpleasant side effects. Yet, through her doctor's good decisions and God's healing touch she was able to ward off this attack for three years. Thank you, Lord, for those three years!

Sadly, the chess game has been played. (See related post January 14 "A Game of Chess." ) The game is over. Her king has left the board. The amazing thing is that He does not lay helplessly on his side next to the chessboard waiting to be set up for another match. Not this King. King Jesus has taken my friend to His home. She lives. SHE LIVES. Because of Easter, She lives on forever in a land far better than this world can ever offer.

Easter has so much meaning this year. God loved us enough to come down in the flesh and walk with Man. He taught us many things and in His own timing, succumbed to men who would crucify Him on an implement of torture. His tormentors felt they had won when His Spirit left his body. Not so! He arose that first Easter and walked with men. He made many appearances and then ascended into heaven. He sent his Holy Spirit to live in and interact with each of us who believe.

Today I have much hope because Jean did not die. Not permanently. Death is only a transition for those who believe in Jesus Christ. I have confidence that she still lives and that gives me joy and peace. I pray you come to know my Lord too and experience all the Wonder and the Grace that He has to offer!

3 Year Survivor

The word "cancer" brings many negative thoughts to mind. It is a scary word, one that a person does not want to hear - especially from their doctor. Today I acknowledge a milestone in my life. It was exactly three years ago today that I got that phone call from my doctor. The results of my CT scan had arrived. There was a large mass on my pancreas and tumors in my liver. I could hear the sadness in my doctor's voice as he relayed the message. It was Friday and he encouraged me to give him a call if I needed anything or had any questions over the weekend. His compassion and willingness to be available to me was very touching. It also spoke of the seriousness of my diagnosis. Yes, cancer can be scary but I felt a peace. I believe it is what the Bible calls the "peace that passes all understanding." This peace has been my companion throughout this cancer journey.

Today I want to blog about the positive aspects of cancer. "WHAT?" You ask, "How can cancer be a positive thing? This scourge that robs people of their health and even their life. What can there possibly be that is good about that?" I agree that cancer is an ugly disease and the worst part is that almost everyone is affected whether it be their own cancer or a loved one's. There is so much to the dark side of cancer but today I want to share what has happened in my life because of that fateful phone call 3 years ago.

One of the first things I did was start notifying family and friends. The support and the prayers started immediately! At that time I was not expected to live out the year. I expressed a desire to get together with a special group of friends who helped me develop into the person I am today. Several dear friends in that group hosted a gathering of friends that was filled with love and good food. My pastor from those special years was there and led us in singing, communion and anointing. We shared memories just like people do after a funeral. The good part was I was there and able to participate and share my memories back. This meant all the world to me and is among my fondest memories.

I also had great support among my current church family. I lead a prayer group and one of our pastors led a time of anointing and prayer for my healing. Friends and family started to put me on their prayer chains including a cousin in Texas who works with inmates. I was told that the men in "the tank" were praying for me. Prayers in England and all over were said for me. Even to this day, I encounter people who tell me I am on their church's prayer list and have been there for years. To have this wonderful prayer support not only is uplifting to me but has certainly made a huge difference in my fight against cancer. God has led my doctor to the latest of treatment and I am very thankful!

One of the richest gifts that cancer has given me are new friends. Because of the rarity of my cancer, I sought out people on the internet to network with on this cancer journey. We share information but also out of those relationships I have met many wonderful people. Some of those people have become close friends. I will probably never meet them face to face but there is a love and a bond that has formed. What an amazing gift.

Cancer has also allowed me to help others. It is very satisfying to be able to talk to others who are going through tough things in their lives and feel the connection that my journey of cancer lends to their struggle. I have had several opportunities to share my faith with the congregation at church. Some people still comment to me on how those words touched their lives. I have joined the Care Force at church and am visiting people who are in the hospital and nursing homes. God has been amazingly present in those visits. My life is overflowing with the witness of God's abundance and mercy.

Cancer has brought a richness into my life that I would never have experienced otherwise. I thank the Lord for the people and the love He has brought into my life. I thank Him for walking with me on the journey. I thank Him for my family and my friends. I thank Him for every breath and for answered prayer. I am a 3 year survivor and I celebrate!

A Magical Night

One of God's greatest gifts is the gift of friendship. I have been blessed ... really blessed with an abundance of human gems that light up my life. Perhaps you are one of those precious gems that are of great value to me. Worldly treasures do not contain the riches that can be found when kindred spirits meet and joys and memories happen.

Last night was a magical night spent with one of those gems. Several months ago I felt an urging to treat a dear friend to a night at the symphony. January's concert date did not fit into her schedule and so we marked our calendars for February 13th.

"What is so remarkable about two friends attending the symphony?" you ask. "What point of interest will your night out hold for me?" My answer is, "perhaps none," but to me this is another sweet story of God's provision and His love for me and my friend. Timing is everything and God's timing is perfect!

Now before you think my offer to treat my friend comes from some great affluence or generosity, let it be known that I buy the cheap seats. Three tiers of ticket prices and I only spring for the seats in the balcony. Two tickets ... $18 each = $36. Still rather pricey for my budget but I decide my friend is worth it.

Now here's the part of the story that I find incredibly interesting. Just before I purchase our tickets, I read on the internet that the orchestra is offering a special Valentine's package. They call it "Sushi and the Symphony," which includes two concert tickets and a sushi reception afterward for $25. I repeat - $25.00 for two tickets AND a lovely afterparty.

I have lived long enough to know that if it sounds like it's too good to be true, it probably is! I call to make my ticket purchase for the $36 balcony seats but mentioned the $25 package. The lady on the phone is surprised I knew about it and says that it is her understanding it is only for season ticket holders. I am not disappointed because after all it was an unreasonably good offer. I order my seats, pay and hang up the phone.

A minute later the woman at the box office calls back to let me know that she was mistaken! The offer is open to the public and not only that but we can have any seats in the house that are available!! I am astounded. I quickly change our seats to lower level center prime seats and gladly accept the savings of $11.

Fast forward to last night February 13, 2010. My friend and I were amazed at our seats. What an awesome blessing to be sitting in the upscale section! The symphony was spectacular. We were swept away by the string, winds, brass and percussion dancing and weaving beautiful music right before our eyes. Had the evening ended there, I would have been satisfied.

In fact, we were not sure if we were going to attend the afterparty. Neither of us were sure we liked sushi, and besides it was being held in downtown Jackson, not near the music hall. We both agreed. Why not? If it was not to our liking we would have a funny story to look back upon, and if we loved it - even better!

We were not disappointed. We entered the building to the strains of festive music and entered the main room to a magnificent spread of food. The hall was full of people, many of them from the upper echelon of society, sipping wine and engaging in joyous conversation. From that point on it became a magical evening of good food, conversation and soaking in the ambiance of the evening. I had my first taste of caviar, which I enjoyed, and even had a taste of sake. We laughed as we struggled with our chopsticks and stood in awe of a God who loved us so much that He orchestrated (no pun intended) lasting memories for two middle-class gals who were much in need of a night on the town.

The Symphony has two fans for life. A thank-you note is in the works. I went to bed with my head swirling as I tried to wrap my mind around the incredible bargain, the total experience that a measly $25 dollars bought us. In today's world where there is so much deception and selfishness, I tip my hat to the benefactor of our evening and the Benefactor of Life. My heart overflows!

Provision

Yesterday started out as "one of those days." You know the ones the days where things just are NOT going as you had expected. My Tuesdays are very busy. My agenda for the day was prayer group from 10-12, a quick lunch, pick up some reeds at the music store for Nick, go to Sam's Club to replace my Sam's card (lost my wallet a week ago), get groceries at Meijer, visit a woman from our church who is in the Hospice Home, then return home to make dinner and then off to another small group. Busy, busy day!

What's this? Where's my credit card?? I had it last night when the specialty pharmacy called to schedule the delivery of my new medication. I searched and searched, over and over, everywhere! How frustrating. The car is burning a million dollars in gas as it gets toasty warm and I am still searching in vain for my credit card. I have to find it! I can skip Meijer but Nick really needs the reeds and being diabetic I need some lunch and I am late, late, late for my prayer meeting.

I know, I'll get the checkbook. What??? Where is the checkbook. I just had it on Sunday. It should be on or around the computer desk but the search goes on, the car continues to burn more gas and the checkbook is not to be found!!

By now I am upset. "What a waste of a day," I say to myself. I'll be right in town and I'm going to have to come home right after prayer group for lunch and Nick will not get his reeds. I really want to visit Cynthia at the Hospice home. How frustrating! I have no choice but to leave unprepared for my day.

On my way to prayer group I begin to pray. "Lord, help me to overcome this frustration. Please do not let this be a distraction to me. I know you have called this group to prayer. Help me to put aside this frustration and make the best of it. Please order my day to Your will not mine."

My tension eased. I was able to yield to a prayerful spirit and we had a wonderful time of prayer for the churches of Jackson county. As the prayer meeting ended I remembered the pop bottles I had loaded in my car to return to Meijer. Perhaps I have enough bottles to get the reeds. I drive to Country Market and returned the bottles. As I hold the cash in my hand I remember the little money tub we keep in the car with toll booth money for our trips to Zion. I also find a few dollars that I had forgotten about in my purse. The grand total is $14.05!

Suddenly, I feel a strong sense of God's provision. "Thank you, Lord," I say right out loud. I head for the music store where I was able to buy three reeds. I stop at Sam's to get my new ID card and maybe a cheap lunch. I have $3.36 to spend. The pizza was dry and fatty. Hot dogs are a big no no. I give up and try to figure out where I can get something that won't be bad for me. I am drawn to Wendy's. Lo and behold, they have a grilled chicken wrap that fits right in to my diet. I have a lovely lunch for my money and end up with 61 cents to spare. I head for the Hospice Home.

I have been involved in visiting ministry for my church since October. God's provision for those visits is amazing. His timing was once again perfect. Cynthia was resting after a very difficult morning and I had a very lovely time talking and praying with her parents. As I returned home I felt in awe of God's total provision for the day. I was able to accomplish nearly everything on my list and I saved money by not getting the groceries. We still have plenty of food at home.

I can't help but continue to reflect on God's provision throughout my life. I haven't always had everything I wanted but He has provided everything I have needed. We have had times when we were dirt poor. God always knew when we needed food or money to pay a bill and He provided - most of the time in very unexpected ways.

Luke 12:22-28 says, " Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!"

I eventually did find my checkbook and card. I had thrown them away with a pile of papers. Silly me!! Somehow I am glad because this unexpected frustration turned into a joyful celebration of a God who provides and cares about me. Thank you, Lord for the reminder of your provision!!

A Game of Chess

I find myself at the beginning of a new treatment plan for my cancer and have been reflecting, not only on my situation but also on the many people with cancer who have crossed my paths on this cancer journey. Some have done well and are now proclaimed cancer free, if such a bold proclamation can be trusted. Others are struggling. One is in her last days. Several others are near the end of their treatment options. I myself am standing at the brink of a new treatment plan. As soon as we can get the drugs approved through insurance and delivered to my home I will be plunging back into the world of side effect management and low blood counts.

Chess ... why does my mind keep going toward that game? For some strange reason, I have come to equate managing stage IV cancer with a chess match. It's a game of strategy. My kids will tell you that I am not a very good chess player. I know how each of the different pieces move and I can play the game but I lack in the strategy department. "You have to think several moves ahead," my son tells me. Fortunately, in the chess game of life I have a great strategist. Her name is Dr. Thompson. She gives great thought to each move. Her mind is totally focused on the game and she is not limited by the most obvious moves. She was taught to "think out of the box" and so she does. Some of her moves are pure genius.

The whole idea of chess is to protect and defend your king. When the king is captured and there is no escape then it's "game over." I know several people in check right now. Their strategists are running out of moves. The possibility of check mate is very close. One of my internet friends is in check mate. Any day now I will get that Care Page notification that her king has left the board to meet the real King Jesus. This is the reality of cancer.

I enter this next move, this new phase of treatment, with gratitude to my strategist, with prayer to my maker, and with love for others going through this cancer journey. I may lose a few pawns in the process but it is my hope that the opponent will lose 50% of his pieces. This is the hope and expectation of these drugs - 50% reduction in tumor size. That certainly would give me strength on the board!

Quick update!

Checking in! Saying I'm fine! Life has been busy! My days need more hours! My weeks need more days! My trip to Zion in October started me on a new medication that involves one shot per month. The side effects have actually been good. My diabetes is more under control and some digestive problems are better too. I will find out in January if it was effective in stopping the tumor growth. I feel well. Life is good.