Hospitalized

12/15/10 was a big day for me. Rick, my sister; Laura had traveled to University of Iowa to get surgery. The procedure was supposedly going to be a distal pancreatectomy with a splenictomy and removal of gall bladder. Liver burden tests showed considerable progression. A new biopsy showed my cancer has toggled so my tumors are many and producing insulin. I was hospitalized until New Year's Eve with chemo treatments and to try to stabilize blood sugars. Through it all God has chosen to be faithful. I'll be sharing a few stories when I am not so sleepy....

Living as PacMan

I am living in a season of Pacman. My body is not producing glucagon like it should and so the only way to sustain a safe blood sugar level is to eat, and eat, and eat. Every 2 hours. Waka ... waka ... waka ... waka ...

I don't understand how the little critter stays the same size. I am getting a little bigger every day. Hopefully, this will change soon but in the meantime ...

Twists, Turns. and Doubts

If there is one thing that can be said about the cancer journey it would be, "it is unpredictable." Some paths can be smooth and well defined and next thing you know you are off the trail and stumbling around near the briers. I have quite a few friends right now that are in that dark place that cancer can take you. Right now I'm sitting on a rock and wondering where I'm going.

I have several directions to turn but none of them are screaming out, "pick me." The path that I am being nudged toward is one kind of like the forest in the Wizard of Oz. I can imagine scary trees that throw apples and I have heard there are lions, tigers and bears. (OH, MY) Another is an easier path but I just might end up in the wrong place.

Time, patience and prayer. That's the magic formula. So I pray tonight for wisdom and remind myself, "there's no place like home."

Beaucoup Blessings

LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. Psalm 16:5,6

I have often said that I would count my blessings but I can't count that high!! How blessed I feel this Thanksgiving as I spend another precious year with my family. This past year allowed me to meet my goal of watching my baby graduate from high school. God has given me an amazing husband, three wonderful children, marvelous parents and siblings, great in-laws, superb extended family, numerous friends and acquaintances. Life is good.

Life has its challenges. I am at a treatment crossroad again in my cancer journey but even there blessings are abundant. My heart overflows with gratitude for the people who have stood by me, lifting me in prayer and offering their love and support. My doctors are amazing.

Cancer is not a road that anyone chooses but I have found it to be a sometimes bumpy but scenic journey filled with fellow warriors who have added a tremendous richness to my life. Even those who have lost the battle have left their amazing imprint on my heart. I am thankful for moments - lessons shared - lasting legacies.

As you count your blessings this Thanksgiving, I hope and pray that you will be able to see the richness of relationships, the power of love and most of all the promise of eternity to those who are willing to accept God's beautiful offer.

Brooklyn Tabernacle Trip - The Prayer Meeting

It has been a few months since our trip to Brooklyn. It has been a busy summer with no time to blog. Since the whole purpose of our trip was to attend the Tuesday night prayer meeting, I need to go back in time and tell you about this experience which truly was the pinnacle of the trip.

We arrived back at the Brooklyn Tabernacle an hour early. This very fact excited me. People actually have to get there early to get a seat!! This church seats over 3000 people! My experience with most churches is that if you are able to get 20 or 30 people to a prayer meeting you are doing good. What is going on here that other churches have yet to discover? Even at an hour early it was beginning to fill. An usher helped us find some seats where all 10 of us could sit together.

The wait was part of the journey. We sat and watched as people walked down the main aisle of the sanctuary to be prayed for by one of the approximately 8 intercessors who were waiting. What a wonderful idea! As I watched the faces of the intercessors and those prayed for, I realized that God was already at work among the people.

Worshipful music was playing and a screen upfront displayed a request that people not talk amongst themselves but instead prepare their hearts for prayer. True to human nature not all complied. This didn't bother me but instead reminded me of the times I have been in situations where silence is requested. It seldom happens. Still the atmosphere was one of anticipation. There was some excitement in the air.

I felt a desire to go forward for prayer prior to the service but I felt locked in. The lady in the aisle seat had a child with her (the only child I saw there) and a huge bag on the floor. My exit was also blocked by a large support pillar that was very close to her seat. I sighed inwardly and told myself that I was with two pastors and 7 other intercessors. They could pray for me just as easily.

About 10 minutes before the prayer meeting was to start, I looked over and she and the child were gone momentarily. "Thank you, God," I though to myself. "This is my sign to go for it!" I proceeded out of my seat and joined others who were lined up for prayer. When my turn came the usher, who was directing the people desiring prayer, directed me to a man to my left. I told the man that I was a prayer leader in my church and told him why we had come to Brooklyn, to experience this prayer meeting. I asked him to pray that God would teach me something and would guide me as a prayer leader.

The man, whose name is Gene, surprised me by expressing his humility and honor at having the opportunity to pray for me. He expressed his deep admiration for prayer leaders. I tried to explain that our prayer group was small but he said that didn't matter. He asked me if I had met the lady who is in charge of the prayer band there. I told him I hadn't and he told me that after we prayed that he wanted her to meet me.

"Before you pray for me," I said. "Can I pray for you?" He began to pour out the tough time that his family was experiencing with a family member who was fighting cancer. I knew right then why God had moved the lady so I could exit my seat. I hadn't intended to tell him that I have cancer but I knew that I needed to share.

I told him how God was working in my life. Things looked pretty grim at the beginning but God has done amazing things. I didn't go into detail but told him how God has provided for us every step of the way and continues to show His face throughout this cancer journey. As I prayed for Gene's family and especially this family member with cancer, the words just seemed to flow from my mouth and I could tell that they touched Gene deeply. If our trip was only for that moment it would have been worth it. Gene prayed for me as well. Powerful prayer. Then he introduced me to the leader of the Prayer Band. We finished up just in time for the grand event. The prayer meeting was about to begin.

Pastor Jim Cymbala explained to those gathered that tonight was not going to be business as usual for the prayer meeting. There were hundreds of flags from all over the world that were placed on the steps of the stage area. He explained that on Sunday he asked church members to bring the flag of their home country and that we were going to pray around the world.

The prayer time was a mix of worship in song and prayer. As he called forth the people from a Hispanic nation, hundreds came forward and stood in the front of the sanctuary. He introduced a person who would lead us in prayer for the Hispanic nations. This person prayed as in a simultaneous chorus everyone just began to call out to God on behalf of the Hispanic nations. It was a time of passionate prayer with no one really paying attention to what the other was saying. What this must have been like on God's end of it is beyond imagination.

As the prayers for the Hispanic nations came to a close we went back to worshiping in song. The people were very exuberant in their singing. Imagine thousands of passionate people singing at the top of their lungs and we joined them wholeheartedly.

Pastor Cymbala continued the prayer meeting as he called down in turn the Asian nations, and African nations. The big surprise came when he called those to come down from the Caribbean nations. They just kept coming! They filled the front of the church and the aisles. Perhaps 400-500 people! The Caribbean islands are so teeny compared to these other people groups. It was amazing!

The meeting lasted about 2 hours. We were unable to pray all around the world. The other nations would be prayed for the following Tuesday. I sat there wishing I could return. I have wanted to experience the Tuesday night Prayer Meeting ever since I read Jim Cymbala's book, "Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire," which I highly recommend! It met my expectations and then some. I felt that God called us there that evening because our church is building a medical clinic in Burundi, Africa and our youth are deeply involved in making a difference in Honduras. These countries are very dear to us and to participate in prayer for these nations as a large body was truly special.

If you are ever in Brooklyn, New York; I would encourage you to visit the Brooklyn Tabernacle. I left with a deeper passion for prayer. God is calling my church to build its foundation and ministry on a deep bed of prayer. We aren't called to become the Brooklyn Tabernacle but there are lessons we can learn from these people who are passionate about communicating with the God of the Universe.

"Thank you, Lord, for making this dream of mine come true. Thank you for speaking to us during this trip to New York. Most of all, thank you for always being available and ready to respond to our prayers; whether it is in a meeting of thousands or to a solitary being. Teach me to pray, Lord and bring an increased passion for prayer at my church and in the lives of all Christians. Amen"

Ground Zero

Our trip to New York included a visit to Ground Zero. I was surprised to see that even after all these years the construction crew was still working at ground level. I had assumed that it would have been all cleared off with a memorial standing. Instead, it was a very busy construction site.

We were amazed that just across the street stands St. Paul's Chapel. This historic church was founded in 1776. George Washington worshiped there. They still have his pew on display, which was actually a comfortable looking arm chair. It is a miracle that this building and the courtyard cemetery were not damaged during the collapse of the twin towers. As you look at the picture, the construction fence surrounds the site of the World Trade Center and the wrought iron fence is the courtyard of the church.

The courtyard cemetery was a lovely place to enter. It contained tombstones from long ago. They were so aged and eroded by the years that on many, the engraving had vanished. It reminded me of the book of Ephesians in the Bible. Dust in the wind. On this earth we will all one day go to the grave. Hundreds of years from now we will not be remembered except on a genealogy chart. Perhaps some will go down in the history books but not many. Things of eternal consequence are what really matter in life. God and people. I am grateful for the reminder.

As we enter the building we separated as we each looked at the many displays of memorabilia from the fateful day when the towers fell and life in the United States of America was changed forever. We were reminded of the great outpouring of love from all over our nation and even other areas of the world. We were reminded of the people who died. They weren't statistics. They were mothers and fathers, sons and daughters. We were reminded of the strength of the human spirit as people came from all over to help and to show their love and support for the people of New York City.

Before we left to return to our hotel room for a much needed rest, we paused as a group to pray for our nation. We also stopped to look at the cross that was formed when one of the beams fell. Remember the reassurance that cross gave to the people? God was with them and He is with you. No matter what you face.