Living as PacMan

I am living in a season of Pacman. My body is not producing glucagon like it should and so the only way to sustain a safe blood sugar level is to eat, and eat, and eat. Every 2 hours. Waka ... waka ... waka ... waka ...

I don't understand how the little critter stays the same size. I am getting a little bigger every day. Hopefully, this will change soon but in the meantime ...

Twists, Turns. and Doubts

If there is one thing that can be said about the cancer journey it would be, "it is unpredictable." Some paths can be smooth and well defined and next thing you know you are off the trail and stumbling around near the briers. I have quite a few friends right now that are in that dark place that cancer can take you. Right now I'm sitting on a rock and wondering where I'm going.

I have several directions to turn but none of them are screaming out, "pick me." The path that I am being nudged toward is one kind of like the forest in the Wizard of Oz. I can imagine scary trees that throw apples and I have heard there are lions, tigers and bears. (OH, MY) Another is an easier path but I just might end up in the wrong place.

Time, patience and prayer. That's the magic formula. So I pray tonight for wisdom and remind myself, "there's no place like home."

Beaucoup Blessings

LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. Psalm 16:5,6

I have often said that I would count my blessings but I can't count that high!! How blessed I feel this Thanksgiving as I spend another precious year with my family. This past year allowed me to meet my goal of watching my baby graduate from high school. God has given me an amazing husband, three wonderful children, marvelous parents and siblings, great in-laws, superb extended family, numerous friends and acquaintances. Life is good.

Life has its challenges. I am at a treatment crossroad again in my cancer journey but even there blessings are abundant. My heart overflows with gratitude for the people who have stood by me, lifting me in prayer and offering their love and support. My doctors are amazing.

Cancer is not a road that anyone chooses but I have found it to be a sometimes bumpy but scenic journey filled with fellow warriors who have added a tremendous richness to my life. Even those who have lost the battle have left their amazing imprint on my heart. I am thankful for moments - lessons shared - lasting legacies.

As you count your blessings this Thanksgiving, I hope and pray that you will be able to see the richness of relationships, the power of love and most of all the promise of eternity to those who are willing to accept God's beautiful offer.

Brooklyn Tabernacle Trip - The Prayer Meeting

It has been a few months since our trip to Brooklyn. It has been a busy summer with no time to blog. Since the whole purpose of our trip was to attend the Tuesday night prayer meeting, I need to go back in time and tell you about this experience which truly was the pinnacle of the trip.

We arrived back at the Brooklyn Tabernacle an hour early. This very fact excited me. People actually have to get there early to get a seat!! This church seats over 3000 people! My experience with most churches is that if you are able to get 20 or 30 people to a prayer meeting you are doing good. What is going on here that other churches have yet to discover? Even at an hour early it was beginning to fill. An usher helped us find some seats where all 10 of us could sit together.

The wait was part of the journey. We sat and watched as people walked down the main aisle of the sanctuary to be prayed for by one of the approximately 8 intercessors who were waiting. What a wonderful idea! As I watched the faces of the intercessors and those prayed for, I realized that God was already at work among the people.

Worshipful music was playing and a screen upfront displayed a request that people not talk amongst themselves but instead prepare their hearts for prayer. True to human nature not all complied. This didn't bother me but instead reminded me of the times I have been in situations where silence is requested. It seldom happens. Still the atmosphere was one of anticipation. There was some excitement in the air.

I felt a desire to go forward for prayer prior to the service but I felt locked in. The lady in the aisle seat had a child with her (the only child I saw there) and a huge bag on the floor. My exit was also blocked by a large support pillar that was very close to her seat. I sighed inwardly and told myself that I was with two pastors and 7 other intercessors. They could pray for me just as easily.

About 10 minutes before the prayer meeting was to start, I looked over and she and the child were gone momentarily. "Thank you, God," I though to myself. "This is my sign to go for it!" I proceeded out of my seat and joined others who were lined up for prayer. When my turn came the usher, who was directing the people desiring prayer, directed me to a man to my left. I told the man that I was a prayer leader in my church and told him why we had come to Brooklyn, to experience this prayer meeting. I asked him to pray that God would teach me something and would guide me as a prayer leader.

The man, whose name is Gene, surprised me by expressing his humility and honor at having the opportunity to pray for me. He expressed his deep admiration for prayer leaders. I tried to explain that our prayer group was small but he said that didn't matter. He asked me if I had met the lady who is in charge of the prayer band there. I told him I hadn't and he told me that after we prayed that he wanted her to meet me.

"Before you pray for me," I said. "Can I pray for you?" He began to pour out the tough time that his family was experiencing with a family member who was fighting cancer. I knew right then why God had moved the lady so I could exit my seat. I hadn't intended to tell him that I have cancer but I knew that I needed to share.

I told him how God was working in my life. Things looked pretty grim at the beginning but God has done amazing things. I didn't go into detail but told him how God has provided for us every step of the way and continues to show His face throughout this cancer journey. As I prayed for Gene's family and especially this family member with cancer, the words just seemed to flow from my mouth and I could tell that they touched Gene deeply. If our trip was only for that moment it would have been worth it. Gene prayed for me as well. Powerful prayer. Then he introduced me to the leader of the Prayer Band. We finished up just in time for the grand event. The prayer meeting was about to begin.

Pastor Jim Cymbala explained to those gathered that tonight was not going to be business as usual for the prayer meeting. There were hundreds of flags from all over the world that were placed on the steps of the stage area. He explained that on Sunday he asked church members to bring the flag of their home country and that we were going to pray around the world.

The prayer time was a mix of worship in song and prayer. As he called forth the people from a Hispanic nation, hundreds came forward and stood in the front of the sanctuary. He introduced a person who would lead us in prayer for the Hispanic nations. This person prayed as in a simultaneous chorus everyone just began to call out to God on behalf of the Hispanic nations. It was a time of passionate prayer with no one really paying attention to what the other was saying. What this must have been like on God's end of it is beyond imagination.

As the prayers for the Hispanic nations came to a close we went back to worshiping in song. The people were very exuberant in their singing. Imagine thousands of passionate people singing at the top of their lungs and we joined them wholeheartedly.

Pastor Cymbala continued the prayer meeting as he called down in turn the Asian nations, and African nations. The big surprise came when he called those to come down from the Caribbean nations. They just kept coming! They filled the front of the church and the aisles. Perhaps 400-500 people! The Caribbean islands are so teeny compared to these other people groups. It was amazing!

The meeting lasted about 2 hours. We were unable to pray all around the world. The other nations would be prayed for the following Tuesday. I sat there wishing I could return. I have wanted to experience the Tuesday night Prayer Meeting ever since I read Jim Cymbala's book, "Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire," which I highly recommend! It met my expectations and then some. I felt that God called us there that evening because our church is building a medical clinic in Burundi, Africa and our youth are deeply involved in making a difference in Honduras. These countries are very dear to us and to participate in prayer for these nations as a large body was truly special.

If you are ever in Brooklyn, New York; I would encourage you to visit the Brooklyn Tabernacle. I left with a deeper passion for prayer. God is calling my church to build its foundation and ministry on a deep bed of prayer. We aren't called to become the Brooklyn Tabernacle but there are lessons we can learn from these people who are passionate about communicating with the God of the Universe.

"Thank you, Lord, for making this dream of mine come true. Thank you for speaking to us during this trip to New York. Most of all, thank you for always being available and ready to respond to our prayers; whether it is in a meeting of thousands or to a solitary being. Teach me to pray, Lord and bring an increased passion for prayer at my church and in the lives of all Christians. Amen"

Ground Zero

Our trip to New York included a visit to Ground Zero. I was surprised to see that even after all these years the construction crew was still working at ground level. I had assumed that it would have been all cleared off with a memorial standing. Instead, it was a very busy construction site.

We were amazed that just across the street stands St. Paul's Chapel. This historic church was founded in 1776. George Washington worshiped there. They still have his pew on display, which was actually a comfortable looking arm chair. It is a miracle that this building and the courtyard cemetery were not damaged during the collapse of the twin towers. As you look at the picture, the construction fence surrounds the site of the World Trade Center and the wrought iron fence is the courtyard of the church.

The courtyard cemetery was a lovely place to enter. It contained tombstones from long ago. They were so aged and eroded by the years that on many, the engraving had vanished. It reminded me of the book of Ephesians in the Bible. Dust in the wind. On this earth we will all one day go to the grave. Hundreds of years from now we will not be remembered except on a genealogy chart. Perhaps some will go down in the history books but not many. Things of eternal consequence are what really matter in life. God and people. I am grateful for the reminder.

As we enter the building we separated as we each looked at the many displays of memorabilia from the fateful day when the towers fell and life in the United States of America was changed forever. We were reminded of the great outpouring of love from all over our nation and even other areas of the world. We were reminded of the people who died. They weren't statistics. They were mothers and fathers, sons and daughters. We were reminded of the strength of the human spirit as people came from all over to help and to show their love and support for the people of New York City.

Before we left to return to our hotel room for a much needed rest, we paused as a group to pray for our nation. We also stopped to look at the cross that was formed when one of the beams fell. Remember the reassurance that cross gave to the people? God was with them and He is with you. No matter what you face.

The Journey - Brooklyn Tabernacle Trip Part 2

Life has been rather busy around here lately. Rick and I celebrated our 35th anniversary on May 31st. We plan a special anniversary trip every 5 years - until this one! It is such a special milestone yet we were deep in the midst of another milestone in our lives - the graduation of our youngest son from high school. Nick graduated on June 6th and we threw a grand party for him on the 12th. It has been a whirlwind of craziness and fun and only two days later we were off to Brooklyn, New York.

The road trip was long. We got an early start but it took us all day and well into the evening to arrive at our hotel. For 14 plus hours 8 of us got to know each other better and had a great time of bonding as we made our way to New York. I was thankful for the men who took turns driving. They all were excellent drivers and all I had to do was chat with the others. It was a fun-fest for sure!

New York is an exciting place. Our hotel in Brooklyn had only been opened for two weeks. Our accommodations were excellent. In the morning we found our way to the subway and took the short trip to the Brooklyn Tabernacle. The front of the building is very unpretentious . There was no flashy sign. A person could easily pass by without knowing it was even there. All that marks the building is a metal plaque perhaps 12 inches square with Brooklyn Tabernacle on it. Enter through the doors, however and it was like entering the great theaters of old. The former "Loew’s Metropolitan Theater" was a very ornate and majestic building which had fallen into a state of disrepair. The Brooklyn Tabernacle did a wonderful job of restoring it. Because it was a church and especially one that was in the midst of church activities we refrained from taking pictures. Guess you will have to go there yourself to see it.

The morning session was supposed to be a leadership seminar but we found out on Friday that it had been changed to an Assembly of God conference to pray for the poor and suffering. The meeting was not presented by the Brooklyn Tabernacle but instead a group that had asked to come called "Convoy of Hope." Although it was not what we originally expected it was a great time of teaching and prayer. We stayed for three of the five hours. The highlight for me was the segment where they prayed for people who needed healing. I was one of many who stood at their seats and I was very pleased that it was Pastor Jim Cymbala who prayed for God's healing touch on those of us standing. It was a very memorable moment. I trust that God worked through that moment. His healing power is amazing.

Some day maybe we can return for the leadership conference but the morning session spoke to us all for the need for compassion as we pray for the poor and suffering. Lord, give us a heart for the poor and suffering. We must never forget, in our comfort, those in need.

My Dream Trip Realized

Ever since reading Pastor Jim Cymbala's book, "Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire," my dream has been to visit the Brooklyn Tabernacle in New York and specifically to attend their Tuesday night prayer meeting. . At this church, prayer is first and foremost. God has done wonderful things in response to the intense prayer foundation. Pastor Cymbala continues to inspire and challenge people everywhere to put God first and to continually seek His face - especially when it comes to the church. Prayer is the key to everything. Without God we can do nothing of any significance.

My dream was realized this week. I was able to take a road trip with other intercessors from my church including two of our pastors. God put together the right people for the trip and has filled us with enthusiasm to bring a new level of prayer back to our church. In days to come, I will share some experiences from this trip. The trip back was full of excitement about creating a closer walk with God and going deeper in prayer. God is going to use this trip to change us and to help us to ignite our church in prayer. What a tremendous blessing!! Thank you, Lord!!

Easter Reflections

Today is the day after Easter. We had a lovely time. Services were very good. Family time was great. We had lots of lovely food.I have a lovely cup of Earl Grey tea poured. Every sip brings me to a better state of consciousness.I may even be fully awake soon.

I look outside. The sun is out. It is going to be a beautiful day. I think of my friend Mike who lost his wife to cancer on Good Friday evening. I wonder does he even see the sun? His life has changed forever. Cancer is such an awful beast. How can it continue to devour victims?

I will miss Jean. She and I walked the path of cancer together for the past three years. She was not new on the path but had a re-occurrence a few weeks before my diagnosis. As part of my prayer ministry I gave her a call and we prayed over the phone. What a shock it was to both of us to discover that I would be fighting right alongside her with my own battle.

We both ended up at the same cancer treatment center in Illinois. We were later to learn that we even shared a birthday. Both of us weren't given a very good prognosis at the start. I was given a reprieve through a change in diagnosis in which it was discovered that my tumors are slow growing. Jean's aggressive sarcoma continued to be a challenge for her. She endured some tough treatments and had many unpleasant side effects. Yet, through her doctor's good decisions and God's healing touch she was able to ward off this attack for three years. Thank you, Lord, for those three years!

Sadly, the chess game has been played. (See related post January 14 "A Game of Chess." ) The game is over. Her king has left the board. The amazing thing is that He does not lay helplessly on his side next to the chessboard waiting to be set up for another match. Not this King. King Jesus has taken my friend to His home. She lives. SHE LIVES. Because of Easter, She lives on forever in a land far better than this world can ever offer.

Easter has so much meaning this year. God loved us enough to come down in the flesh and walk with Man. He taught us many things and in His own timing, succumbed to men who would crucify Him on an implement of torture. His tormentors felt they had won when His Spirit left his body. Not so! He arose that first Easter and walked with men. He made many appearances and then ascended into heaven. He sent his Holy Spirit to live in and interact with each of us who believe.

Today I have much hope because Jean did not die. Not permanently. Death is only a transition for those who believe in Jesus Christ. I have confidence that she still lives and that gives me joy and peace. I pray you come to know my Lord too and experience all the Wonder and the Grace that He has to offer!

3 Year Survivor

The word "cancer" brings many negative thoughts to mind. It is a scary word, one that a person does not want to hear - especially from their doctor. Today I acknowledge a milestone in my life. It was exactly three years ago today that I got that phone call from my doctor. The results of my CT scan had arrived. There was a large mass on my pancreas and tumors in my liver. I could hear the sadness in my doctor's voice as he relayed the message. It was Friday and he encouraged me to give him a call if I needed anything or had any questions over the weekend. His compassion and willingness to be available to me was very touching. It also spoke of the seriousness of my diagnosis. Yes, cancer can be scary but I felt a peace. I believe it is what the Bible calls the "peace that passes all understanding." This peace has been my companion throughout this cancer journey.

Today I want to blog about the positive aspects of cancer. "WHAT?" You ask, "How can cancer be a positive thing? This scourge that robs people of their health and even their life. What can there possibly be that is good about that?" I agree that cancer is an ugly disease and the worst part is that almost everyone is affected whether it be their own cancer or a loved one's. There is so much to the dark side of cancer but today I want to share what has happened in my life because of that fateful phone call 3 years ago.

One of the first things I did was start notifying family and friends. The support and the prayers started immediately! At that time I was not expected to live out the year. I expressed a desire to get together with a special group of friends who helped me develop into the person I am today. Several dear friends in that group hosted a gathering of friends that was filled with love and good food. My pastor from those special years was there and led us in singing, communion and anointing. We shared memories just like people do after a funeral. The good part was I was there and able to participate and share my memories back. This meant all the world to me and is among my fondest memories.

I also had great support among my current church family. I lead a prayer group and one of our pastors led a time of anointing and prayer for my healing. Friends and family started to put me on their prayer chains including a cousin in Texas who works with inmates. I was told that the men in "the tank" were praying for me. Prayers in England and all over were said for me. Even to this day, I encounter people who tell me I am on their church's prayer list and have been there for years. To have this wonderful prayer support not only is uplifting to me but has certainly made a huge difference in my fight against cancer. God has led my doctor to the latest of treatment and I am very thankful!

One of the richest gifts that cancer has given me are new friends. Because of the rarity of my cancer, I sought out people on the internet to network with on this cancer journey. We share information but also out of those relationships I have met many wonderful people. Some of those people have become close friends. I will probably never meet them face to face but there is a love and a bond that has formed. What an amazing gift.

Cancer has also allowed me to help others. It is very satisfying to be able to talk to others who are going through tough things in their lives and feel the connection that my journey of cancer lends to their struggle. I have had several opportunities to share my faith with the congregation at church. Some people still comment to me on how those words touched their lives. I have joined the Care Force at church and am visiting people who are in the hospital and nursing homes. God has been amazingly present in those visits. My life is overflowing with the witness of God's abundance and mercy.

Cancer has brought a richness into my life that I would never have experienced otherwise. I thank the Lord for the people and the love He has brought into my life. I thank Him for walking with me on the journey. I thank Him for my family and my friends. I thank Him for every breath and for answered prayer. I am a 3 year survivor and I celebrate!

A Magical Night

One of God's greatest gifts is the gift of friendship. I have been blessed ... really blessed with an abundance of human gems that light up my life. Perhaps you are one of those precious gems that are of great value to me. Worldly treasures do not contain the riches that can be found when kindred spirits meet and joys and memories happen.

Last night was a magical night spent with one of those gems. Several months ago I felt an urging to treat a dear friend to a night at the symphony. January's concert date did not fit into her schedule and so we marked our calendars for February 13th.

"What is so remarkable about two friends attending the symphony?" you ask. "What point of interest will your night out hold for me?" My answer is, "perhaps none," but to me this is another sweet story of God's provision and His love for me and my friend. Timing is everything and God's timing is perfect!

Now before you think my offer to treat my friend comes from some great affluence or generosity, let it be known that I buy the cheap seats. Three tiers of ticket prices and I only spring for the seats in the balcony. Two tickets ... $18 each = $36. Still rather pricey for my budget but I decide my friend is worth it.

Now here's the part of the story that I find incredibly interesting. Just before I purchase our tickets, I read on the internet that the orchestra is offering a special Valentine's package. They call it "Sushi and the Symphony," which includes two concert tickets and a sushi reception afterward for $25. I repeat - $25.00 for two tickets AND a lovely afterparty.

I have lived long enough to know that if it sounds like it's too good to be true, it probably is! I call to make my ticket purchase for the $36 balcony seats but mentioned the $25 package. The lady on the phone is surprised I knew about it and says that it is her understanding it is only for season ticket holders. I am not disappointed because after all it was an unreasonably good offer. I order my seats, pay and hang up the phone.

A minute later the woman at the box office calls back to let me know that she was mistaken! The offer is open to the public and not only that but we can have any seats in the house that are available!! I am astounded. I quickly change our seats to lower level center prime seats and gladly accept the savings of $11.

Fast forward to last night February 13, 2010. My friend and I were amazed at our seats. What an awesome blessing to be sitting in the upscale section! The symphony was spectacular. We were swept away by the string, winds, brass and percussion dancing and weaving beautiful music right before our eyes. Had the evening ended there, I would have been satisfied.

In fact, we were not sure if we were going to attend the afterparty. Neither of us were sure we liked sushi, and besides it was being held in downtown Jackson, not near the music hall. We both agreed. Why not? If it was not to our liking we would have a funny story to look back upon, and if we loved it - even better!

We were not disappointed. We entered the building to the strains of festive music and entered the main room to a magnificent spread of food. The hall was full of people, many of them from the upper echelon of society, sipping wine and engaging in joyous conversation. From that point on it became a magical evening of good food, conversation and soaking in the ambiance of the evening. I had my first taste of caviar, which I enjoyed, and even had a taste of sake. We laughed as we struggled with our chopsticks and stood in awe of a God who loved us so much that He orchestrated (no pun intended) lasting memories for two middle-class gals who were much in need of a night on the town.

The Symphony has two fans for life. A thank-you note is in the works. I went to bed with my head swirling as I tried to wrap my mind around the incredible bargain, the total experience that a measly $25 dollars bought us. In today's world where there is so much deception and selfishness, I tip my hat to the benefactor of our evening and the Benefactor of Life. My heart overflows!

Provision

Yesterday started out as "one of those days." You know the ones the days where things just are NOT going as you had expected. My Tuesdays are very busy. My agenda for the day was prayer group from 10-12, a quick lunch, pick up some reeds at the music store for Nick, go to Sam's Club to replace my Sam's card (lost my wallet a week ago), get groceries at Meijer, visit a woman from our church who is in the Hospice Home, then return home to make dinner and then off to another small group. Busy, busy day!

What's this? Where's my credit card?? I had it last night when the specialty pharmacy called to schedule the delivery of my new medication. I searched and searched, over and over, everywhere! How frustrating. The car is burning a million dollars in gas as it gets toasty warm and I am still searching in vain for my credit card. I have to find it! I can skip Meijer but Nick really needs the reeds and being diabetic I need some lunch and I am late, late, late for my prayer meeting.

I know, I'll get the checkbook. What??? Where is the checkbook. I just had it on Sunday. It should be on or around the computer desk but the search goes on, the car continues to burn more gas and the checkbook is not to be found!!

By now I am upset. "What a waste of a day," I say to myself. I'll be right in town and I'm going to have to come home right after prayer group for lunch and Nick will not get his reeds. I really want to visit Cynthia at the Hospice home. How frustrating! I have no choice but to leave unprepared for my day.

On my way to prayer group I begin to pray. "Lord, help me to overcome this frustration. Please do not let this be a distraction to me. I know you have called this group to prayer. Help me to put aside this frustration and make the best of it. Please order my day to Your will not mine."

My tension eased. I was able to yield to a prayerful spirit and we had a wonderful time of prayer for the churches of Jackson county. As the prayer meeting ended I remembered the pop bottles I had loaded in my car to return to Meijer. Perhaps I have enough bottles to get the reeds. I drive to Country Market and returned the bottles. As I hold the cash in my hand I remember the little money tub we keep in the car with toll booth money for our trips to Zion. I also find a few dollars that I had forgotten about in my purse. The grand total is $14.05!

Suddenly, I feel a strong sense of God's provision. "Thank you, Lord," I say right out loud. I head for the music store where I was able to buy three reeds. I stop at Sam's to get my new ID card and maybe a cheap lunch. I have $3.36 to spend. The pizza was dry and fatty. Hot dogs are a big no no. I give up and try to figure out where I can get something that won't be bad for me. I am drawn to Wendy's. Lo and behold, they have a grilled chicken wrap that fits right in to my diet. I have a lovely lunch for my money and end up with 61 cents to spare. I head for the Hospice Home.

I have been involved in visiting ministry for my church since October. God's provision for those visits is amazing. His timing was once again perfect. Cynthia was resting after a very difficult morning and I had a very lovely time talking and praying with her parents. As I returned home I felt in awe of God's total provision for the day. I was able to accomplish nearly everything on my list and I saved money by not getting the groceries. We still have plenty of food at home.

I can't help but continue to reflect on God's provision throughout my life. I haven't always had everything I wanted but He has provided everything I have needed. We have had times when we were dirt poor. God always knew when we needed food or money to pay a bill and He provided - most of the time in very unexpected ways.

Luke 12:22-28 says, " Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!"

I eventually did find my checkbook and card. I had thrown them away with a pile of papers. Silly me!! Somehow I am glad because this unexpected frustration turned into a joyful celebration of a God who provides and cares about me. Thank you, Lord for the reminder of your provision!!

A Game of Chess

I find myself at the beginning of a new treatment plan for my cancer and have been reflecting, not only on my situation but also on the many people with cancer who have crossed my paths on this cancer journey. Some have done well and are now proclaimed cancer free, if such a bold proclamation can be trusted. Others are struggling. One is in her last days. Several others are near the end of their treatment options. I myself am standing at the brink of a new treatment plan. As soon as we can get the drugs approved through insurance and delivered to my home I will be plunging back into the world of side effect management and low blood counts.

Chess ... why does my mind keep going toward that game? For some strange reason, I have come to equate managing stage IV cancer with a chess match. It's a game of strategy. My kids will tell you that I am not a very good chess player. I know how each of the different pieces move and I can play the game but I lack in the strategy department. "You have to think several moves ahead," my son tells me. Fortunately, in the chess game of life I have a great strategist. Her name is Dr. Thompson. She gives great thought to each move. Her mind is totally focused on the game and she is not limited by the most obvious moves. She was taught to "think out of the box" and so she does. Some of her moves are pure genius.

The whole idea of chess is to protect and defend your king. When the king is captured and there is no escape then it's "game over." I know several people in check right now. Their strategists are running out of moves. The possibility of check mate is very close. One of my internet friends is in check mate. Any day now I will get that Care Page notification that her king has left the board to meet the real King Jesus. This is the reality of cancer.

I enter this next move, this new phase of treatment, with gratitude to my strategist, with prayer to my maker, and with love for others going through this cancer journey. I may lose a few pawns in the process but it is my hope that the opponent will lose 50% of his pieces. This is the hope and expectation of these drugs - 50% reduction in tumor size. That certainly would give me strength on the board!